


Farewell Friends and Comrades

by j_whirl44



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Infected!Carter, Infection, Intense pain, Suicide, attempts at mind control, graphic depictions of veins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:08:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24548152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: Carter writes his goodbyes.
Relationships: Celiquillithon "Cel" Sidebottom/Howard Carter, Commander Barnes & Howard Carter (Rusty Quill Gaming), Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan & Howard Carter, Howard Carter & Azu (Rusty Quill Gaming), Howard Carter & Oscar Wilde (Rusty Quill Gaming), Howard Carter & Zolf Smith
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	Farewell Friends and Comrades

Carter breathes in and holds it for a long time. He’s standing alone in his room. He looks down at his arms. The bright blue veins are hot and searing his skin. He releases his breath and now starts to grit his teeth.

His mind is swirling. He has to do this soon or else he might not be able to. He takes the small but painful steps towards the door. He shuts it quietly and turns the lock. Just in case.

He braces himself on the door for a moment, another flare up. This time it’s in his neck which feels like it’s bubbling from the way he can  _ hear _ the veins pulsating near his ear. He cries out in pain for a moment, he tries to muffle it by biting his tongue. He tastes blood.

It takes all of his strength but he collects himself. He stands up straight and ignores what he thinks are snapping sounds from his spine. His skin tickles. He walks towards his desk where a notebook and pen wait for him. It’s been about two days since he noticed the veins. He’d thought he’d have more time and yeah, he probably should’ve gone to Wilde or someone immediately to have it be taken care off, but he wanted to try and wait for the group to get back. So he could say goodbye.

See how well that worked out.

He sits and now it’s his shins that burn from the bending of his knees. He gets a weak but firm grip on his pen and opens his notebook. He begins to write...  
  


_ Wilde- _

_ Sorry in advance for this, boss. I was never as pretty with words as you are. No telling what sludge I'll put down on this page, now that my mind’s going.. _

His body seizes. Everything feels tight as the voices begin to assault his mind. He screams in pain, closes his eyes. He fights for control again, it takes every last inch of him. Finally he settles but he’s panting and out of breath. He continues to write:

_ It’s no secret that I’ve never been the best with being handled by other people. Don’t take kindly to being told what to do, but you’re a good man. Made it somewhat easy to take orders from you. Even after you rejected my...original proposition. In the end, that was probably for the best. Sorry I couldn’t do more in helping save the world, but you know what they say about curiosity. _

_ Thanks for the time. Respectfully- _

_ Carter.  
  
_

He drops his pen as he rips the paper out and it takes so much to just fold it and label it for the proper person. He sets it aside carefully and takes up his pen again. It’s easy at the moment he feels fine now. Except he can still see the veins popping out his arm. Mocking him as they move on their own. He continues his next address...  
  


_ Barnes- _

_ Hey pal. Not really sure what to say to you. Could never really get you to open up huh? After all those missions we did together you still are a mystery to me, Commander Barnes. Hell, I never even learned your first name did I? Too late now I guess. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Regardless, you’ve been a good friend to me, or at the very least a respectable colleague. You’ve saved my skin many a time and I really do thank you for it. I hope your next partner isn’t as annoying or ruggedly handsome as I am. I’m sure you can pick up the slack in that department now that I’m gone. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Be well- _

_ Carter.  
  
_

He repeats the earlier motion of ripping out the paper and placing it to the side next to Wilde's; he smiles as he tries to imagine those two reading their letters and if they’ll even feel a single positive emotion towards him. He is the one who went and got himself infected and then hid it, after all.

He’s not sure when it happened. It must have just been dumb luck from his latest patrol. He didn’t even encounter anything that could’ve been infected. Unless...he shakes his head and gives a bitter laugh as he realizes.

They’re given strict orders to not touch any dead bodies they come across. They’re supposed to gather whatever supplies or recon they can that doesn’t directly put them in contact with corpuses. He’s never been good at controlling his impulses though, and there was a bottle of his favorite mead hidden under an unassuming and unmoving body. He swiped it, thought he was careful not to touch the dead, but there must’ve been some contact somewhere. He remembers how calmly he just drank that damn bottle of mead that night. He grits his teeth as another wave of screaming voices flash into his head.

Dying because of mead. A fitting end for him, he supposed.

He picked up the pen and realizes he’s crying now. He continues on...  
  


_ Zolf- _

_ There’s not a lot of people in this world that I respect more than I respect you, mister Smith. I hope that’s something you know moving forward in life. You’re as hot headed as they come but that head is on a pair of good shoulders. You impress me immensely and all I ever secretly hoped for was a chance to impress you. If I was never able to than that’s one more regret I’ll have to take to the grave. _

The paper is now stained with his tears that are falling from a mixture of anguish and agony. The blue veins in his hand come into view when he wipes his eyes. They’re hot against his eyelid. He wonders if that’ll spread it to his eyes. Maybe. Doesn’t really matter now. He gets back to writing.

_ You’ve been told this many times, and perhaps I’m the last person you care to hear it from but you’re a good man, Zolf. Best of luck fixing the world. If anyone can do it it’s you lot. _

_ In peace- _

_ Carter.  
  
_

This time when he rips out the paper it’s sloppy and he almost tears the whole paper in half but he recovers just before that happens. He goes through the motions again. It’s almost relaxing this way. Going through similar motions doesn't take a lot of brain power, saves his energy.

He begins to write once more....   
  


_ Hamid- _

_ To think under the circumstances we met it’s hard to believe I’m writing you a letter like this at all, but I guess that’s what the end of the world does to people. I hope your family stays well throughout all of this and that you remember to keep your head above water when times get hard. I didn’t get to know you for long but I know you care. A lot. _

_ Wish I could see you become the leader you so obviously seem to be, but time’s never really been on my side. I’m sorry for whatever happens next, and for whatever trouble I may have caused your family. _

He tries to recall the time they met all those months ago but it’s hard to think back to even ten minutes ago. His brain is fuzzy. There’s a fog in his head with screaming ringing in his ears. He signs off...

_ In faith- _

_ Carter _

  
No time to waste. He moves on...

_  
Azu- _

_ Forgive me for being so forward, but it’s late and I am tired. You are a reminder that there’s still good in this world. You stick to your beliefs and you never falter. Whatever’s left of this place could learn so much from you. You have a grounded sense of wonder that has inspired me more than you might ever know. _

_ In my growing vulnerability I must also admit that i’ve grown to see you as a sister, which is why I think I made it my mission to annoy you the most. Sorry if I succeeded too many times, at least you won’t have to worry about that now. _

_ Always- _ _  
_ _ Carter _

  
The pain is numb again, so now he has a moment to reflect. All those pointless little arguments he picked with Azu, just to get a rise out of the most level headed paladin he’s ever met. The joy he’d feel as she rolled her eyes at him, but Carter always saw the fond look in her eyes when she did it. He thinks maybe these people do care about him. Did care about him.

For the first time since beginning, he feels like himself now. He has a small, albeit ironic, smile on his face as he prepares himself to write this last letter.

It’s now or literally never. He takes the deepest breath he can muster and lets it out. He begins...  
  


_ Cel- _

_ I’m not sure I have enough time to say all that I want to say to you but I will try. You joined this team of lucky losers and I thought I might have a reason to fight again. You were always so kind to me, because you’re kind to everyone. You took this all end with a look of awe and determination and it was the breath of fresh air that we all needed. _

_ Getting to know what little parts of you that you were willingly to give me over these past weeks were an honor. I’m sorry to leave you so soon, trust me if I had any choice in this I wouldn’t be.  _

He let’s out a little laugh. He thinks back to just before they left for Svalbard. He remembers watching them embark with all the hope he’d see Cel again. A silly thing to want in times like these, but he was only one man with one heart. He thinks for a moment, then puts the pen to paper again. His handwriting by now is probably unreadable, but maybe it’s for the best... 

_ I guess here’s a dying man’s wish in that I hope the fondness I grew towards you was reciprocated. It certainly felt like it at times but I’ve learned the hard way that it’s never politely to assume such things. _

_ You’re the best of them, Cel, and again I apologize for leaving early. _

_ Adoringly Yours, _ _  
_ _ Howard Carter _

And that’s that. Final letter, most important letter, placed with the others. He leans back in his chair. It’s calm and he’s trying to take in one final moment of peace before doing what he has to.

He never thought he’d die like this. Then again he didn’t think he’d live to see the end of the world either so that goes to show how much he knew about anything.

His body is just so hot now. Inflamed with blue reminders of his hubris. It really doesn’t hurt like it should but he guessed that’s not a bad thing. He picks up the knife that laid on the desk beside him this whole time. Runs a finger up the blade. It’s sharp. It’ll do the job.

He gets up and walks to the door, he unlocks it and leaves it open just a crack so whoever finds him won’t have to wonder.

He goes to his bed. He sits on it and runs a hand along the sheets as if reminiscing about all the times he’s taken it for granted.

He lays down. It’s now that he notices he can’t really see and the screams in his mind start up again. He inserts the knife. It all fades to black quickly.

In the morning Barnes finds him. He takes one look at his body and sees what happened. He walks over to the desk and picks up the letters. He reads his. His face is as unreadable as ever, but his eyes begin to shine.

“You godsdamn fool,” he mutters. He goes to find Wilde.

The group returns. They read their letters. Wilde shakes his head, he’s used to it by now. Zolf mutters curses under his breath. Hamid’s distraught as always. Azu gasps and clutches her necklace as she says a little prayer. Cel takes it in. They read the words written for them over and over. Their heart aches and tears silently fall.

Carter is buried just behind the inn. The knife marks his grave.

**Author's Note:**

> Somehow some of us got onto Infected!Carter in the RSB Server and I was like "how about I be the one to write sad letters for a change!!!!" so here we are......
> 
> Thank you to Charlie (kimabutch (CPWoodP)) for helping me tag this mess. <3
> 
> Hope you...enjoyed?


End file.
